I had an idea of a post that I wanted to put up on Thursday, but when I got home I leaned that my (paternal) grandmother passed away due to cancer. All I kept saying to myself is ‘this sh*t is crazy’. It’s crazy because it happened out of nowhere. No one knew she had cancer or that she was sick period. But come to find out, she knew for 2 years.
I mean, I know she was a strong woman, but why did she go on with her everyday life as if nothings wrong? In no way, shape, or form am I blaming her. It’s just that I’m in shock about all this.
My grandma was there for my mom, my siblings, and I when my (maternal) grandfather passed in November. Even then she was strong. She became our rock and shared words of wisdom. I remember when we were at the graveyard and she was trying to help me find my fathers tombstone, I thought to myself that I was lucky that I still had her. Everyone else is gone, but my grandmother was still here. Now 5 months later, and she’s gone…
Ever since my grandfather passed, I haven’t been myself. Yet I smile and keep going. Not because I’m strong, it’s because I don’t want people to keep asking me what’s wrong. Now, my mood is all f**ked up and I refuse to front like everything is okay.
Now that I’m grandparent-less, Who can I depend on?
Now that the people who really raised me are gone, Who will understand me?
They were the only people that knew ME!
They understood why I’m the person that I am.
They knew when I wanted to be left alone.
They knew when I just wanted some attention.
Now I fell abandoned/lonely/lost.
With my safe havens gone, I feel exposed.
♫ I'm Telling You Ohh, It All Falls Down... ♫
(whew, that felt good to finally get that off my chest...)
